Modern Culture As Taught By The Avengers
by Douttful
Summary: This is a One Shot series that is a spin off of my story You're My Everything ( Bucky Barnes / The Winter Soldier X OC FanFic ). Kyra Stark (Tony's adopted sister) is learning modern culture with Steve, Thor, Wanda, Pietro and Bucky. It's rated M because I said so. There won't be graphic violence. Swearing will probably happen.
1. Social Media Part 1

"Alright class today we are learning about the wonders of social media." Pepper clasped her hands together. Facing Thor, Steve and Kyra as they relaxed in one of the lounges. It was an informal set up. Tony had insisted on assisting. Pepper had her reservations but couldn't stop the billionaire from coming. He promised to behave. They'd see if he held up his end of the deal.

"IT THRILLS ME TO JOIN YOUR COMMUNAL COMMUNICATIONS!"

"Social Media Big Guy, it's called Social Media." Annoyance laced Tony's face. Though he was the God of Thunder. There were many moments when this 'all mighty man' still appeared as smart as a box of rocks.

"WHAT PREVILANCE IS THIS MEDIA OF SOCIAL?"

"You communicate to people on the internet." Tony quickly interrupted.

"It's where people post every single thing about their lives for all of the world to see and then are surprised when people judge them."

"AH THE WEB OF MIDGUARD! I REMEMBER JANE SPEAKING OF THIS!"

"The internet? The web of Midguard? I'm confused."

"Of course you are Capsicle, now shush"

"Social Media is where 90% of the world accesses the internet from."

"What about the other 10%"

"They aren't relevant Spangles. They are all as old as you and probably still use IE" Tony visibly shuttered at the mention of the internet browser.

"WHAT IS THIS EYE OF E?" Ignoring Thor's question, Tony turned his attention towards his younger sister.

"Kyra are you paying attention?" Tony pressed.

"Huh? What?"

"Were you _sleeping_?" Disbelief lacing his tone.

"It seemed more productive than this." The younger Stark shrugged. With shock Tony placed a hand over his shrapnel filled heart and exclaimed

"Aahhpsssgahtaag!"

"What? How will this knowledge benefit a _blind girl_ Tony? I can't see remember?"

"You won't be blind _forever_!" Tony replied in exacerbation. "Plus there are voice commands! Now pay attention!" Kyra ignored his request and snuggled back into her cocoon.

"Wait… are you going to tell people about me?!" Terror entered Kyra's body at the prospect of being a subject of the Media once more.

"What? No!" Tony's voice sharing his confusion of the accusation.

"IS THAT NOT THE PURPOSE OF THIS MEDIA OF SOCIALISM?"

"Social Media Thor. SO-CEE-AL ME-DEE-AH"

"THAT IS WHAT I SAID IS IT NOT?"

"Lord give me strength."

"Steve, is there a blanket behind you?" Turning the super soldier discovered a plush blanket draped on the couch. Grabbing the item he handed it to Kyra.

"Oh yeah, here Kee Kee." A grateful smile was directed towards Steve as she situated herself.

"Kyra! I said _pay attention_."

"Mmmmhmm. I'm visualizing your words Tony." Kyra mumbled as her head rested against the couch arm.

"THIS MEDIA OF SOCIALISM IS FILLED WITH MAGIC IS IT NOT!?"

"Umm Thor… Socialism is a form of government." Steve quipped. Slightly unsure he turned towards Pepper. "That's still accurate, right?"

"Yeah it is Steve, we'll handle history later."

"Okay."

 _*** Time skip brought to you by the Pinwheel of Death. ***_

"Here are some popular uses of social media. Communicating with friends and family"

"Without having to _actually_ speak to them."

"Sharing your thoughts and opinions"

"Making fun of strangers for _their_ thoughts and opinions. Ruining friendships over political views."

" _Tony…_ " The lesson had been moving forward with minimal interruptions from the brown haired know it all. It appeared that was going to change soon.

"Also sharing an obscene amount of pictures of your pets, babies, and food."

"Why would people take pictures of their food?" Steve asked in confusion.

"Psht! Why _wouldn't_ people take pictures of their food?"

"But I don't understand it's just _food_!"

"Social Media, in short, is a way to share your life with the world Steve." Pepper tried to explain. Her patience with her boyfriend waning.

"But mostly bragging about how awesome you are or making fun of people who are different from you." Tony's boisterous personality was thriving from the attention. Tony loved knowing everything and holding said knowledge over others.

"That's not very nice."

"The world is not a kind place." Stark dismissed with a wave.

"Why is it you Midguardians thrive on cruelty?"

"We don't Th"

"Wait?! Did the _God of Thunder_ just use an inside voice?!"

"Brother Stark, speak softly. Lady Kyra is resting."

"What? _KYRA!_ "

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Wind shot out from her body and pushed the couches an extra three feet away. The blanket that had covered Kyra was launched into the air. Landing on Tony's head. Panting heavily Kyra's eyes were wide with fear.

"Tony!" Pepper smacks the back of his head. There wasn't much force behind the blow. Pepper being preoccupied with Kyra's current state of terror.

"Pepper! ARE WE UNDER ATTACK?!"

"Kyra it's alright. Tony was just being a jerk." Bitterness laced Steve's voice as a sideways glare was sent to the billionaire.

"Shhh honey. It's okay." Pepper had cupped Kyra's face gently. Panic still filled Kyra's expression as the adrenaline continued to pump through her system.

"I HEARD SCREAMING!"

"Kyra relax, it was just your idiot brother." Pepper's voice was soothing as she stroked Kyra's hair lovingly. Annoyance clear, but no other emotion present.

"Hey!"

"Promise?" The group ignored Tony's rebuttal.

"Yes we promise." Steve cooed. Tracing small circles on Kyra's back.

"Worry not, all is well Lady Kyra." Kyra nodded in response. Sensing only the presence of her family. Her heartbeat returned to normal. Then her eyebrows rose in realization.

"Wait...Thor, did you just use an inside voice?"

"SEE! _Kyra_ gets it!" Tony tried to justify his previous statement.

"I do not wish to cause you terror Lady Kyra." The grin that spread across her face was one of appreciation, joy and love. It soon was clouded with a hint of wicked intentions. Kyra faced Thor, giving him what she hoped was a puppy dog face.

"Then can you hit Tony for me? I can't see him, and he really scared me?"

"I would be my great honor." Kyra giggles. It's a sweet yet maniacal sound that unnerves Tony in an instant. Pepper agrees, Tony should be punished. But still in love with the man she pleads.

"Please don't _kill_ him Thor." In a half worried tone. One that shows her approval and acceptance of the violence that was to come. While the others turn to face Tony, Kyra sends a triumphant smirk his way.

Placing his hand above his heart Thor bowed his head in acknowledgment. "You have my word Lady Pepper." Tony watched the entire exchange with wide eyes. Cap remained by Kyra, showing no interest in the new developments. Thor turned his massive frame towards Tony. His towering stance filled with animosity and annoyance.

"Heeey. Woah, woah, woah. Let's slow down big guy!" Thor continues his approach. Tony's desperate attempts at reason fail to sway the God. "Jay, I need my suit, right now." Tony mutters out of the side of his mouth. His eyes trained on Thor, the billionaire walked backwards without realizing the direction he headed in. Thor stalks forward menacingly. JARVIS did not respond to Tony's request and panic was starting to take root in his entire being. Without warning Tony is in the hallway outside of the lounge. The door shuts, a satisfying click informs all parties that the door is secured. Realizing his safety a breath of relief leaves Tony. Then another realization dawns. "Hey wait! I'm the teacher! I'm teaching you guy's things!" franticly banging on the door. "Pepper is going to do it wrong! She'll skip all the good stuff!" None of the others paid attention to Tony's cries. They simply moved further from the door and continued the lesson with Pepper leading the course.


	2. Kitchen Kerfuffle Part 1

"So after recent… incidents…" Tony was glaring at Thor, Steve and Bucky. "We've decided to take a break from social media lessons. Today's we are going to focus on kitchen appliances." Kyra sat to Bucky's left, tracing the designs on his metal arm, not concerned with anything Pepper was saying. Bucky's face was blank as he awaited orders. Steve sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

"Sorry again Stark."

"It was a fridge spangles. You even had those in your time!" Bucky tensed and growled.

"Yeah but they weren't demon machines that attacked me with ice!"

"You hit the ice dispenser! What did you expect!"

"I just wanted a damn sandwich!"

"Captain! _Language_!" Kyra gasped finally paying attention to the conversation. Her classic Stark smirk adorning her round face. Bucky wrapped his arm around her waist wearing a small smirk of his own at his friends flushed face.

"That's why we're having this class. To avoid any more accidents."

"Or possible fires." Tony glowered in Thor's direction now.

"BROTHER STARK I REQUIRED SUSTANANCE. THE MACHINE ATTEMPTED A DEED MOST FOWEL! I SHALL ALLOW NO ENIMY THE PLEASURE OF MY PAISTRIES!"

"That doesn't mean you needed to use your lightning hammer to electrocute the damn thing and almost cause a fire!"

"IT WAS A BATTLE WHICH THE MACHINE WOULD NEVER WIN!"

"IT'S A TOASTER!"

"AND IT SHALL NOT STEAL THE GLORIOUS TARTS OF POP AGAIN!" Pepper's head was in her hands as she listened to the men go back and forth. 'Men' was a strong word to use right now. Kyra listened in amusement. Bucky stone still stone stiff awaiting orders.

"Look here. You lot are going to stop destroying our kitchen appliances! They are top of the line. I've bought 4 toasters, 3 microwaves and a new refrigerator in the last 3 weeks! And don't get me started on the showers!"

"It's not like you don't have the money Tony." Kyra drawled.

"Not the point!" he fumed back, face red as he took a frustrated swing in Kyra's direction. Bucky's arm tightened around her waist. Even though Tony's 'strike' was nowhere near actually hitting Kyra. The action was threatening enough to raise his guard further. His eyes followed the eldest Stark monitoring his every move. Kyra looked at the tense soldier. Quickly nuzzling into his chest in an attempt to calm him.

"Почему ты такой серьезный? _(Why so serious?)_ " She murmured into his chest. His response was only to pull her closer. "Тони не является угрозой. Успокойся морозной. Все нормально. Мы в порядке. _(Tony isn't a threat. Relax Frosty. It's okay. We're okay.)_ " A stiff nod was a reply. He applied a light kiss to the top of her head. Drawing Tony's attention back to the couple. He was about to start ranting again but Pepper cut him off.

"Let's head to the kitchen shall we?" Pepper grabbed Tony's arm dragging him away from their 'students' him mumbling all the while. Steve followed closest, eager to learn. Thor next, hoping to conquer the demon toaster, retrieving his beloved tarts of pop. Bucky and Kyra brought up the rear. Kyra rubbing soothing circles on Bucky's back. The kitchen was his least favorite room. Ever since Kyra tried to show him how to cook bacon, Bucky avoided the room at all costs. The couple settled on the far side of the kitchen. Bucky glaring daggers at the microwave.

"Don't even think about it tin man." Tony warned. "You remain at least 10 feet from the microwave at all times."

"Tony lighten up. I've destroyed a microwave or two in my time."

"You didn't collapse the counter and punch a hole in the wall causing plumbing to break and the kitchen to flood." Kyra waved her hand dismissively.

"Not his fault his strong as shit with the body of a god." Kyra smirked up in Bucky's direction. He was grateful she couldn't see the blush that dusted his cheeks for a second. His face soon returned blank as he watched Pepper expectantly.

"Right… Well, we are going to start with the blender,"

"Since they are relatively in expensive…" Tony mumbled under his breath.

"Stop whining Tony." Kyra taunted. "Alright Pep, what's this thing do?"

"Well, it blends." Pepper stated simply. "You might remember them from before…"

"Not really." Kyra stated. "It's still kind of fuzzy." Pepper gave a defeated look for half a second. No one liked bringing up HYDRA or what Kyra was like before. Bucky and Thor were oblivious to the tension that had begun to build.

"WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS CONTRAPTION?"

"Pep just said Thor… it blends food."

"Tony." Pepper gave him a warning glare. "I'll show you. The most common thing a blender is used for is to make smoothies. You place fruit and vegetables in the blender cup. Put on the lid, then blend. Like this" Pepper hit the button for liquefy. The blender blades roared to life for all of 5 seconds before a large metal hand managed to smash the device. The berry smoothie coated everything within a 4 foot radius. The counter had caved in from the force of the blow. Bucky's eyes were wild with fear and anger. In his rush to the blender he'd made sure Kyra and Steve were safely behind him. This saved them from most of the berry explosion. Tony and Pepper surveyed the damage. Her cream colored suit jacket was now splashed with the purple substance. The stain already setting into the fibers. The same could be said for her pencil skirt, which had been added to her wardrobe only 5 days prior. The ceiling was also coated with the almost smoothie substance. Impressive as it was 14 feet from the ground. The stainless steel cabinets were coated, but it was nothing a wet wash cloth couldn't fix. The real damage was the counter. It caved down a solid 2 feet, the blender now fused to the remains of the counter top. Shards of glass had worked their way into a few joints in Bucky's arm. He paid no mind.

"Buck your bleeding!" Steve exclaimed. Kyra quickly panicked grabbing her boyfriend and touching him in search of the wound.

"It's just a scratch Kyra honey, calm down."

"Oh my god! Is this blood! What happened!" Her hands frantically wiped the slush away terrified of the unknown substance.

"Christ its smoothie not blood Kyra!" Tony scoffed. "He ruined my counter AGAIN!"

"Steve said he was bleeding!"

"A shard of glass grazed his cheek he's fine!" Tony barked annoyance dripping from every word. "My brand new kitchen counter on the other hand is COMPLETELY destroyed. What the hell were you thinking Barnes?!"

"It was dangerous." His voice was even and flat.

"IT'S A FUCKING BLENDER! THERE IS NOTHING DANGEROUS ABOUT A BLENDER! THE ONLY DANGEROUS THING IN THIS ROOM IS YOUR CRAZY ASS!" Tony continued his rant. Kyra grasped both of Bucky's hands.

"С тобой все в порядке. _(Are you alright?)"_

"Это было опасно. Это должно было быть уничтожено. Я не позволю ничего причинить вам вред. _(It was dangerous. It had to be destroyed. I won't let anything hurt you.)_ " Kyra smiled warmly at the concern that filled his quiet voice. She rested her head on his smoothie coated chest. Wiping a glob off of his shirt she placed her finger in her mouth.

"Mmm, it's good. Frosty Try it!" She soon loaded more of the goop onto her finger shoving it into his mouth as well. Frosty nodded as he swallowed the substance.

"I uh… I need to go change…" Pepper sighed. "Bucky you and Kyra should wash up. The smoothie is going to be sticky when it dries. Bucky sent a stiff nod her way and picked up Kyra whisking her from the room.

"Hey! Don't you shower with her Barnes!" Tony shouted following the assassin out of the room. "That's my little sister! Don't you get any ideas!" His voice echoed through the rooms. "Don't touch anything! You're covered in mess!" As his voice faded Pepper made her way out as well, trying to let as little of the smoothie drip onto the floor. Shaking her head. Steve and Thor looked between each other.

"I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BROTHER STEVE." Steve winced at Thor's booming voice. He rubbed the back of his neck, surveying the pink and purple coated god. "THIS SUBSTANCE BINDS QUICKLY! IT HAS ATTACHED ITSELF TO MY GOLDED TRESSES!"

"You should take a shower Thor."

"THOUGH THE FLAVOR IS SAVORABLE IT BRINGS IRRITATION TO MY SKIN!" Steve patted Thor's now sticky cape and lead the god out of the room. No one bothering to clean the mess. An hour later Barton jumped down from one of the vents, only to find a horde of ants attaching themselves to the smoothie residue. His reaction? A scream so shrill it could be heard in ever floor of the tower. The world class assassin, brought to tears by dried smoothie and tiny bugs.


	3. Your Mom Jokes

"Today we will be teaching you about modern humor."

"More specifically jokes."

"Jokes?" Kyra asked with a raised eyebrow. Steve grabbed his notebook ready for the lesson.

"Yes! Clint and I will demonstrate." Tony turned to Clint after Thor had settled in on the couch. "Hey Barton."

"Yes Stark?"

"Your mom is so fat, I took a picture of her last christmas and it's still printing!"

"Oh yeah Stark? Well your mom is so dumb that she climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side."

"I FIND NO HUMOR IN THIS!"

"No man should ever speak of a woman in that way!"

"Okay 1940's this is the 21st Century, try to keep up."

"This is stupid Tony."

"Kyra, sit down!"

"No thanks, I feel my IQ dropping. I'm going to go listen to Beethoven. Hopefully it will repair the damage you've just caused. Tasha will you help me to my room?" Tony waved her off before he shoved a paper into Steve's hands.

"Here, Steve, just read this to Thor." The glee in his voice was unmistakable.

"Tony, this is extremely inappropriate!" Steve scoffed.

"Do you want to get your gold star or not Spangles?"

"Ugh," Steve rolled his eyes. "Thor… Your mother is so stupid she she had a staring contest with a Ford Focus…" Steve threw down the paper before he turned. "come on Tony, that doesn't even make sense."

"Yes it does! That's a car!" Clint cackled as he fell off the couch.

"My mother is Frigga." Steve lifted his hands in surrender before he stepped away from the god. Thor kept his focus on their _'instructors'_ "QUEEN OF ASGUARD."

"Shit, I'm not missing this." Natasha sat down on the couch, Kyra next to her.

"THE GREATEST OF ALL THE NINE REALMS! YOU WILL FACE MY MIGHTY HAMMER FOR STAINING HER ILLUSTRIOUS NAME WITH YOUR FOUL WORDS!" Tony and Clint looked at each other in panic. Thor began to swing his hammer, the wind whipped throughout the room violently.

"Thor!" Tony shouted in a panic. "It was a joke. Remember, buddy we just learned about these!" Clint slowly started to move away from Tony.

"He never learns does he." Kyra rolled her lifeless eyes.

"Do you honestly expect him to?"

"JARVIS, lock all the vents." Natasha turned to Kyra with a brow raised. "Can't have Clinton getting away now can we?"

"I have taught you well Ms. Stark." Natasha said with a wicked smirk. She pulled Kyra in closer as they waited for the beating to begin.

"It was Tony's idea! I was just helping!"

"YOU SHALL BOTH PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" Clint and Tony paled as the Asgardian prince launched himself at them.

"I wish we had some popcorn." Tasha muttered. Her eyes followed the action in rapture. Tony threw multiple pillows at Thor in an attempt to dissuade him. Clint followed along the walls in an attempt to find an escape.

"Twenty bucks says Tony squeals first." Kyra laughed. Natasha looked over at her younger sister then back at Clint, who looked ready to cry. A small bolt of lightning hit the wall above Clints head and he began to shake. Natasha smirked and grabbed Kyra's hand.

"Done." A firm shake sealed their wager. Both women waited for the apex to come. Tony continued to attempt to talk his way out of Thor's rage, to no avail.

"Thor! Buddy! I wasn't serious! Put the hammer down! Come on pal. Bruce! BRUCE I NEED YOU!" Tony ran from the room. His voice became higher with each step.

"JARVIS, please tell me you are recording."

" _I'm uploading the footage to your personal drive now Ms. Stark."_

"You are the _very_ best JARVIS."

" _Thank you Ms. Stark."_

"What's happening Tasha?"

"Clint is still trying to open the vent. He hasn't realized it's locked yet."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The lights flickered and the whole tower went silent.

"Pay up Tasha." Kyra spoke smugly.

"Dammit…" Natasha slapped a twenty into her younger sister's hand before she huffed. Thor returned to the room and cornered Clint.

"Thor! We're sorry!" Clint squealed.

"Ugh!" Natasha threw her hands in the air. "You couldn't have said that 2 minutes ago?" She bolted from the couch, off to the training room to blow off some steam. Kyra laughed at the melody of squeals that left Tony and Clint's lips. Steve remained hidden behind the couch, thrilled to have been forgotten by the angry God. He carefully took out his notebook and began to sketch Kyra and her happy smile.

* * *

I haven't done one of these in so long, I hope this one doesn't suck lol. peoplers this one is for you. I've got a few more one shot ideas in my pocket. Still working on the next few chapters of YME as well. The next one shot will have Kyra, Bucky, Wanda, Pietro and Steve.


End file.
